


Deadpool and Spiderman vs. The World

by pacifictiger



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Swearing, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 20:36:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3182285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pacifictiger/pseuds/pacifictiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As official members of the Avengers, Peter and Wade are adjusting to life in the Avengers Tower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deadpool and Spiderman vs. The World

**Author's Note:**

> Basically just Peter and/or Wade doing stuff with the other Avengers. Because I wanted this to exist.

Wade and Peter had a mountain of cardboard boxes containing all their possessions, the obnoxious light up Spiderman back pack Wade insisted on wearing, three hot dogs, and two newly printed Shield IDs. They were standing on the sidewalk outside Stark Tower, while Wade yelled through the cracked screen on his phone.

 

"Do you think maybe the speaker was broken or something when you dropped it?" Peter asked around a mouthful of hotdog. He was perched on a pile of cardboard boxes, eating his lunch.

 

"Listen Pete, I may not be a super-scientist like yourself, but I am 87% sure the problem is that Tony won't pick up his _fucking phone!_ " Wade shouted. Pedestrians slowed down and stopped to stare at the enraged masked man, but quickly sped up when Wade took out one of his larger and more intimidating guns. He waved it around, gesturing wildly as he continued a conversation with the boxes. From what Peter could see, they also thought the phone was the problem.

 

"Wade, why don't you-" Peter started, dropping from his cardboard throne, when the doors of the tower opened. Standing inside, watching as Wade threatened citizens, was Steve Rogers.

 

" _Wade,_ " Peter hissed, shoving him and pointing to where the captain stood, "if you don't calm down, you're going to get us kicked out before we even move in!"

 

At that, Wade turned around, and waved amiably to Steve Rogers. He returned his gun to it's thigh holster, and grinned visibly through his mask.

 

"O Captain! My Captain-" Wade began.

 

"I thought we agreed not to do this," Peter interrupted, his cheeks red with embarrassment.

 

"Do you two need help with these?" Steve asked, gesturing to the boxes. Peter nodded, and the three began to cart their boxes inside, Wade still chattering.

 

"You know Pete, his ass is definitely a close second to yours," Deadpool said, nudging Peter with his hip as they brought boxes into the building. They stood in front of the elevator, waiting for it to return as Steve responded to some question from one of the receptionists.

 

"Wade, he can hear you!" Peter blushed. "I want the Avengers to like us, not think of us as children!"

 

"Could a child do this?" Wade asked, and dropped his boxes, unsheathed one of his katanas, and threw it into the light fixture above them. It went straight through the light bulb, raining small pieces of glass into Peter's hair. The sword came back down, piercing the boxes Wade had set on the floor. Liquid began to flow inside the box, and the cardboard was already looking relatively soggy.

 

"You know, we came down to see if you two needed more help moving in, and it appears that I was right," a voice from inside the elevator said. The doors had opened, revealing the rest of the Avengers, who were laughing at the destruction Wade and Peter had caused in their first five minutes within the tower.

 

"Oh, fuck," Peter cursed, covering his face in his hands.

 

"Pete, can you help me with this box? I think our lube might be leaking out," Wade explained as he pulled his katana from the box.

 

-

 

A few hours later, when all the cardboard boxes were safely moved into the room designated for Peter and Wade, the Avengers were gathered around a large TV, arguing about a movie.

 

"Steve, I swear to god, if you suggest the Princess Diaries again, I will-" Tony threatened, but was interrupted by a swift kick in the shins from Captain America himself.

 

"If you can't recognize that it's a beautiful movie, then-" Steve interrupted, but was cut off by Thor's booming voice.

 

"Can we not watch a movie of our newest Avenger's choice? I believe it would be most fair," the blonde contributed. Natasha nodded, so it was settled.

 

"What do you have to share with us?" Tony asked snarkily. Peter, knowing what was coming, shook his head and leaned back against the sofa. Wade took his cue and sprung up from his seat, inserted a DVD into the BluRay player, and began to pace in front of the TV.

 

"A classic tale of loss and redemption, of love and change and the true meaning of happiness. A story that showcases human nature and the meaning of life, all through beautiful cinematography and artful dialogue. Told by the finest of actors, who were trained for many years to prepare for this role.

 

"Critically acclaimed, and worshiped by many across the globe, I present to you: Sharknado" Wade took a dramatic bow as the opening credits began to roll, and Clint high fived him as he walked by.

 

"I love a good sharknado," he laughed, as the lights dimmed and the movie began.

 

-

 

Peter sat on the stool next to Tony as the older man picked apart a piece of alien tech in his laboratory. It was late, and the city outside the window was illuminated by the artificial lights. Peter himself was fixing one of Tony's robots that had flown into an air vent and gotten considerably mangled.

 

"What are you doing up this late?" Tony asked conversationally. Peter leaned back on his stool, glancing around the room before answering.

 

"Some nights I just can't sleep when Wade's not around," Peter answered. Wade had been gone for two nights now, working what he called a "side job" now that he was legally employed by SHIELD.

 

"I know how it feels, kid," Tony responded, looking over and smiling at Peter, "but you know I'm always here in the lab if you need something to do occupy yourself with."

 

Peter smiled back, thankful to have someone who understood, and returned to his work. The two men worked in comfortable silence until the sun rose, flooding the city with new light.

 

-

 

"We've got another goop thing over on 3rd," Steve grunted into his comm as he kicked into a large, writhing mass of alien goo. They hadn't found a way to destroy the gooey monsters completely, but if they severed the brain cord suspended in the middle of the monster, it at least slowed them down (until they grew a new one, that is).

 

Steve tried to remove his leg from the sticky goo, but found that it had latched onto his leg. He grabbed on to a nearby street pole, and hung on as he tried to loosen his leg. Not wanting to suffocate inside the monster, he fought to free himself.

 

"Duck!" someone shouted, and Steve reacted instantly, snapping his head down as something sailed past into the monster. His leg was freed as the monster splattered into a pile of goo. Sticking out of the middle was a single katana, embedded in the brain cord.

 

"Goddamn is this going to be a pain in the ass to clean off," Wade grumbled as he attempted to remove his sword from the sticky mess.

 

"I've got it," Steve said as he jogged over. He yanked the sword out, spun it, and handed it to Wade, who used the leg of his suit to attempt to wipe some of the slime off.

 

"Thanks, Wade," Steve said, still sweating a bit from his close encounter.

 

"No problem, Cap," Wade grinned, and took of running in the other direction. Steve turned, and sped toward the next monster, picking up his shield along the way.

 

-

 

Peter and Natasha were sitting across from each other inside a small cafe that Natasha had said was the home of the best pancakes in the entire city. In fact, that was all she'd said, and Peter had followed her here, excited to see where Natasha Romanov ate her pancakes.

 

The cafe was elaborate, and there was a different faded floral pattern on each chair. The silverware and plates were all dainty and gold, and a woman dressed in a slim and long brown embroidered skirt had brought them tea in elegant cups. Peter was scared to break his cup, and had left it on it's saucer. Natasha had sprinkled some sugar into hers, and stirred it with the tiny embossed spoon. 

 

"Do you like living in the tower?" Natasha asked lightly over the menu. The almost invisible glint in her eyes told Peter that this wasn't just small talk.

 

"I do, I like being around other people, and being able to do stuff like this," he answered. Natasha gave him a half smile, and Peter grinned back.

 

"This is one of the best places for an undercover superhero in New York," Natasha responded. It was true, the patrons of this cafe were all involved in their own conversations, uninterested in the two Avengers in the corner.

 

Peter nodded, and took a sip of his tea.

 

"Your boyfriend actually introduced me to this place," Natasha said, and watched as Peter spewed his tea all over their menus. To their credit, the others around them didn't turn to look and allowed Peter to clean the tea off the menus with flowery napkins in peace. The tea had already soaked into the menus, and Peter nervously tried to blot it with his napkin. As he panicked, Natasha took a picture of him struggling and texted it to Clint. So much for privacy.

 

-

 

Clint, sniffling and searching for tissues, (which there was a major shortage of) stopped at the unusual site ahead of him.

 

The flu had struck Avengers tower, and Wade and Steve were the only two unaffected.

 

Wade was lying on the big couch, the one they all shared in the media room, with Peter sprawled over him. One of Peter's legs dangled off the couch, and he had a small puddle of drool forming on the sweatshirt Wade was wearing. It wasn't that Clint was unaware that the two were a couple, they just didn't do public displays like this (Clint had always guessed that it was a combination of Peter's shyness and Wade's self consciousness, but who was he to play psychologist?). Nevertheless, Wade appeared to be playing a game on his phone, while Peter mumbled incoherently about bees and moons. Wade made eye contact with Clint, and signed to him, saying that Peter had been clinging to Wade for the past thirty six hours. And he only woke up to go pee or drink some soup.

 

Clint laughed into his hand, trying not to wake Peter, and signed tissues to Wade. He pointed towards the kitchen counter, where Steve had just left a pyramid of tissue boxes he'd picked up at the grocery store.

 

Grateful for the much needed Kleenex, Clint grabbed a few boxes and happily padded back to his room, waving to Wade as he left. 

 

"Does the pudding need more dinosaur sparkle?" Peter asked, and Wade threaded his fingers into the younger boy's hair, chuckling quietly.

 

-

 

It was Bruce's birthday, and he had decreed that he wanted homemade gifts this year. Tony had looked very dejected, but muttered something about robots and ran off to his lab. This had been a week ago, and tonight, they were just finishing up the taco dinner that Steve had cooked.

 

Wade, very obnoxiously, had talked for the entire meal about the merits of home cooked tacos. Even Steve, who usually blushed at every compliment, was looking a bit tired. Tony interrupted him by standing up, and Wade paused mid sentence.

 

"I would like to present my present, if that's fine with you all," Tony said with an extra sharp glare to Wade, who nodded enthusiastically. Bruce nodded as well, and Tony reached under his chair, pulling out what looked like a small drone. After a long scientific explanation (that, shockingly, did not explain what exactly the robot-thing did), Clint looked at Tony with raised eyebrows.

 

"Oh stop, it's a remote control helicopter," Tony sighed. Bruce grinned, and thanked Tony, who perked up a bit at the praise. A series of gifts followed, including a painting of all the Avengers together done by Thor, a lab coat with embroidered beakers and test tubes from Clint, a small but beautiful vase from Natasha, a lab report written for Bruce by Peter, a set of coasters made by Steve, and Wade's present.

 

"I hope you like this, because it took me twelve hours of work to do," Wade grumbled uncomfortably, before presenting Bruce with a large and hairy ball of fabric. Bruce untangled it, while the other Avengers looked on, all unaware of what exactly the present was. Peter had been asking Wade about his present the entire week, but Wade had remained absolutely silent.

 

"Is this... a sweater?" Bruce asked, and held the hand knitted sweater up. It was green like the hulk, and very fuzzy. Bruce grinned, and Wade smiled back. It was Wade's masterpiece, and Bruce appreciated all the yarn, sweat and tears that went into it.

 

-

 

"Are you quite certain that this is, in fact, how you cook a hamburger?"

 

"Of course, Thor, we're experts," Peter explained. Thor, Peter, and Wade were all crowded around a large red grill on the roof of the Avengers Tower. Somehow, the three had been roped in to cooking for the 4th of July party that was being thrown in Steve's honor. Steve normally did all the cooking, but they had decided to relieve him of his duty on this special day. 

 

Which is why Wade was poking at a steaming hamburger with his bare finger.

 

"Oh shit!" Wade shouted, clutching his burned finger, "I'm pretty sure that one's done." Thor nodded, and used the spatula to maneuver the patty onto the plate Peter was holding. Wade stuck his finger in his mouth, trying to suck the pain out.

 

They put a few more hamburgers on the grill, and began to argue lightheartedly about how well they were supposed to cook the hamburgers. Peter argued that they should cook them well done, and Thor thought they should be more medium. Wade was scoring their arguments on a scale of one to ten, and awarding points to the person with the best points.

 

A few minutes later, Peter remembered the burgers they had left on the grill as they exploded in flames.

 

"What the fuck! Burgers are not supposed to do that," Wade shouted as their food burned. Thor, in a moment of panic, grabbed his hammer and smashed the grill, sending pieces of flaming meat all over the rooftop.

 

"How will we ever make it onto Master Chef if we can't even cook burgers?" Wade shouted, collapsing to the ground.

 

"I did not intend to destroy our cooking mechanism," Thor sighed, as the crushed grill smoldered.

 

"This is somehow exactly what I expected," Steve laughed from across the rooftop, where he had been reading a magazine. "Let me make them."

 

They agreed, but bought a new grill and vowed to make perfect burgers next Independence Day. 

 

-

 

" _One pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue,_ " Wade crooned into the microphone as the words illuminated on the screen. Karaoke night, Peter mused, was definitely a success. Judging by the way the other Avengers were all laughing hysterically, he figured that they were finding it very amusing.

 

Peter, who was standing on the stage while Wade sang to him, was trying very hard not to laugh. Wade knew what he was doing when he chose a fucking John Mayer song, and the entire Avengers team was reduced to giggling puddles on the grungy floor of the bar. 

 

" _Your body is a wonderland_ " Wade sang, grinning at Peter. The song finished in a few minutes, with Wade doing an impressive slide across the stage at the end, and the two stopped at the bar for a drink before rejoining the rest of the Avengers.

 

"You know I meant that, right Pete?" Wade spoke into his ear over the opening chords of yet another ballad.

 

"I think your body is a wonderland too, Wade," Peter responded, and Wade turned, kissing Peter and pulling him onto his lap. Peter obliged, putting one knee on either side of Wade and wrapping his arms around the back of his neck as their kiss deepened. 

 

The two separated and returned to the booth, where Wade was congratulated on his song and they drew straws to see who would go next.

 

All in all, Peter and Wade were enjoying their new home.


End file.
